[Insert standard Magical Child trope.] [And a blogger drinking wine.]

Spoilers and drunken shenanigans below the cut.

The team set off to the planet Hanka which is due to witness an eclipse of a black hole which would let them take pictures of an astronomical event that would be SO COOL and advance our understanding of the universe SO MUCH. Oh yeah. remember we’re using the stargate for science ‘n shit, right? Let’s throw that in there. Stargate Command even has a base set up. It’s not as fancy as Stargate Command but they have a friggin base on another planet! Remember, we’re supposed to use the stargate for science ‘n shit?

Except everyone is dead when they arrive. Natives, SG personnel, everyone. Except a single little girl who imprints on Carter because women are friendlier than men, apparently. Also, Carter gets all friendly as Dr. Frasier examines the little girl–later revealing her name to be Cassandra–so Carter becomes the surrogate mom for the episode. I should mention now that Cassandra has some of the element the stargate is made of in her blood. I immediately thing “Oh, shit, she got psychic powers or some shit like that!” And she’s immediately going to be one of those “Dangerous because she don’t know what she’s doing” tropes. The reality is kinda like that but mostly different. Hang on a sec.

Stargate SG1 0114 1
Super Stoic Warrior, meet the tropal Magical Child. You had so much potential.

In a way, I would have preferred if it were Daniel or Teal’c taking over the Surrogate Mom role. Daniel because he’s supposed to have a wife lost in the universe and it would have been cool to play up the fact that he might want to start a family with his wife. And then totally play that side of his character. Teal’c would have been fun because Super Stoic Warrior is Awesome With Kids is a ridiculously fun concept and one we don’t see developed very often.

Turns out everyone died because of a bacterial disease. As soon as Dr. Frasier gives the okay, most of the stargate personnel return back through the stargate–except O’Neill and Teal’c who remain behind to observe the astronomical event. Back at Stargate Command, Carter gives Cassandra her room and makes her feel comfortable and loved and Cassandra eventually gets comfortable enough to start talking again. There are moments where Daniel steps in to take over for Carter watching Cassandra because he’s a good friend, but Cassandra doesn’t want to leave Carter’s side. D’awww.

Cassandra’s medical problems only start there. She has a heart attack at, what, nine? Because of a potassium deficiency. Turns out the potassium was being used to build something around her heart. An operation (which seem to happen willy-nilly around Stargate Command) reveals that the object is a combination of metal and organic material. Mostly potassium because it’s flexible with who it bonds with (drunken sex joke, OOOHH) but that also accounts for her potassium deficiency. What’s even scarier is the fact that she’s now an atomic weapon in the heart of a little girl.

Stargate SG1 0114 3
Literally a cold, metal heart.

Perhaps scariest of them all is, about this time, O’Neill and Teal’c in their astronomy observations find a Goa’uld starship for a god I don’t remember who’s an enemy of Apophys. And then it launches two fighter ships so O’Neill and Teal’c escape the mobile facility as the machines are still recording their science stuff.

But as soon as they discover Goa’ulds, Jackson in the briefing room is rambling angrily about how the Goa’uld are using a CHILD like a BOMB. I think I’m missing something here but I don’t remember how the Goa’uld came into play before this. Cassandra was not afraid of Teal’c in her very first scene and that’s usually a sign that the natives have seen Goa’uld before.

Long story short, Cassandra is a nuclear bomb in her heart and it’s set to go off when it’s near the stargate. Carter has a tense moment in an abandoned nuclear facility where she attempts to leave behind Cassandra since she’s due to go off at any minute. But Carter can’t do it and it’s kind of a heart-breaking scene because they spent the ENTIRE EPISODE together and Carter has been acting like a Mom. It’s actually really touching. Except Cassandra doesn’t go off and the episode with the magical child has a happy ending. Which was refreshing because I was expecting more people to die.

Stargate SG1 0114 4
How I expected the rest of SG-1 to find Sam after an explosion rocks the facility.

In the end, O’Neill gives Cassandra a dog, the military is going to find a couple parents with high enough security clearance to take in Cassandra, and Cassandra picks up pretty quickly that she’s not allowed to talk about the stargate.

What did we learn this episode? The Goa’uld are willing to use children as bombs. Or at least some of the Goa’uld are. The Goa’uld also have spacecraft which we’ve already known but now we have solid evidence of it in the show. And Carter is prone to children. YAY!

This episode’s adorable mascot is Cassandra’s new dog.

Stargate SG1 0114 5
It’s a rule that every Earth child gets a well-behaved terrier.