The biggest missed opportunity of this episode is the lack of a lesbian seduction scene.

Spoilers below the cut.

In a Mayan pyramid, two archaeologists uncover a hidden room containing an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus. One mentions Dr. Jackson, our Dr. Jackson, and his crazy theories that got him laughed out of academia. They open it to find a beautiful lady, perfectly preserved after four thousand years, named Hathor, who kills them and disappears. The sarcophagus of course ends up at Stargate Command where Major General Hammond, Jackson, and O’Neill want to track down the place the sarcophagus came from. Then a soldier says a woman was arrested outside the compound and the Major General should talk to her because she already knows about the stargate.

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Who’s keeping tallies on how often Jackson allegedly cheats on Shau’re?

The woman reveals herself to be Hathor, goddess of fertility, inebriety, and music. Or, in O’Neill’s terms, the goddess of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. The first thing she does is cast her pink misty spell on Jackson, who has been slowly acquiring a small harem of otherworldly ladies this entire season. Then she does the same to Major General Hammond. And then she starts to work her way through the command center, working her magic on every single man in the facility, even O’Neill with his super strong psyche. The number of men catering to this stranger of a woman alarms Captain Carter but there’s nothing she can do without bringing violence into the mix. So she does the only thing she can do.

She sees Dr. Frasier, who agrees that all the men are acting crazier than normal about a single woman. Carter does more research in an Ask Jeeves era than I ever thought possible. Carter and Dr. Frasier wrangle up the remaining women on the base and arm them, debriefing them on the situation as they do so. As they’re prepping to fight off Hathor, Teal’c walks in. At first he’s untrusted, but he assures everyone that Hathor’s Goa’uld magic does not work on him because of his Goa’uld larvae. So he joins Team Lady as an honorary member.

Hathor, true to her earlier promise to Jackson, promises to make him the father of the Goa’uld that will conquer Earth. The scene ends with some very sexy promises indeed, and they must have been fulfilled because Carter and Co barge in later to find Hathor gone, the room a complete mess, and a comatose Jackson. Whatever happened in there must have been one hell of a ride, if ya know what I mean.

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The only truly surprising thing about this scene is that Jackson still has his pants in tact.

Team Lady tracks Hathor to the male locker room where Hathor sits in one of those muscle therapy hot tubs. All The Dudes walk in and form a wall of testosterone around Hathor. Everyone, Major General Hammond included, wears their military cameos, except O’Neill who keeps it super casual. Team Lady can’t fire on their dudes so they get their weapons taken away and locked in a cell together.

It’s in this cell where Carter and Frasier do most of the talking, speculating on how they can win back their dudes. Frasier is the one that suggests using Hathor’s sexy magic against her, so they end up flirting their way out of their cell. They get Teal’c out of his cell in this manner too.

Meanwhile, Hathor’s done with her refractory period and turns her sights on O’Neill. At first, O’Neill was starting to question Hathor but she diverts him with more pink mist and then gives him a Special Hug. It’s special because O’Neill gets a Jaffa womb. Hathor takes him to the men’s locker room where she sits him inside the bubbling bath of Goa’uld larvae. Luckily, Team Lady get him out before one takes hold inside him. Because he no longer has an immune system, they take him to the sarcophagus in the stargate chamber. Hathor doesn’t like this and sics the rest of the men on them. O’Neill is healed and doesn’t spend a lot of time super confused at the mini-civil war in the base and jumps right in with Team Lady.

Unfortunately, the sarcophagus explodes, destroying it and any chance Teal’c had of freeing himself from his Goa’uld larvae. Sadface. But O’Neill knows the location of the tranquilizer guns. Semi angry face because Carter didn’t know where this room was! Wah!

Back in the men’s locker room, Hathor is in the bathtub again with Jackson at her side. Team Lady comes and knocks out her bodyguards with tranquilizers.¬†Carter fires a real gun at Hathor and that somehow sets the bathtub on fire with the larvae inside. Hathor escapes as everyone works to put out the fire. With Hathor gone, the men come to and don’t remember anything that’s happened in the past couple hours. And yet they kind of do because Major General Hammond rewards Carter and Frasier for their excellent work in keeping a level head when everyone else could not.

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And no one thought to close the iris.

Before I dive further into my thoughts, I want to say that I loved loved loved this episode. It was a fun ride from start to finish and it had me giggling at all the right places. It does fall short on some important issues of mine, so that’s what I’m going to talk about now. Firstly, though, I love how this episode furthered the Carter/Frasier dynamic. They work so well together and I want to see more of them take center stage.

My first issue was the lack of sexual diversity. For an episode that brought attraction and sex to the main story, it lacked the diversity and creativity behind healthy sex. If Hathor is a love goddess, is she inherently bisexual? Or, better yet, pansexual? Wouldn’t she be able to influence the ladies of the base too? The episode kind of touches on this, but if Hathor’s pink mist only works on people who are attracted to her, wouldn’t there be a lady or two on the side of the dudes? And shouldn’t there be a man or two on the side of the ladies? And what about people who should have been into her but just aren’t? Maybe someone had a foot fetish but didn’t like Hathor’s feet and so wasn’t attracted to her. The episode itself was fun, but the leading idea behind it was boring.

My second issue is the idea of “weaponized femininity” wherein women use sex and attraction to compel men to do their bidding. This idea is everywhere and I grow tired of seeing it crop up every time I turn around. I am sad this episode had Hathor use it to such extremes, but it makes me glad that the good gals did not take a “moral high ground” by not using it.

In a similar vein, the woman who surrounds herself with men with whom she can take sexual pleasure from whenever she wants is the big bad for this episode. This woman will always be the big bad in any episode of television, and that by itself will bug me. If I were writing this episode, Carter and Frasier would flirt themselves out of their cell and into the pants of Hathor, where they will literally use her medicine against her to defeat her. Thus winning back their dudes and saving the day with the sexual creativity this episode lacked.

Thirdly and finally, O’Neill knew where the tranquilizers were and Carter did not. A Man had the means to save the day in the end but a Woman did not. My fellow feminists, let’s take a moment to collectively sigh and eye roll and shake our heads in derision. Ready. Go.

Sigh.

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Science Sisters ftw!

This episode’s adorable mascot is comatose Jackson working through¬†his refractory period.

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