You think we’re going to get an episode relevant to the plot but no. Everyone turns into a caveman.

Spoilers below the cut.

We start in the debriefing room with teams SG-1 and SG-3 which is full of marines. You would THINK this would be an episode where the “science vs military operations” are going to collide. You would also think this would be a plot relevant episode–what with Major General Hammond mentioning the refugees from episode 1 and the search for Goa’uld worlds. Nope. Once they get to the world, P3x797, they discover a group of people who are “Touched” by a curse that . . . turns them into cavemen.

Minus points for the appearance of straight-up rape. I’m starting a new thing. Every appearance of rape gets a screenshot of Teal’c looking done with these uncultured peons.

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His concern goes beyond being called Lucy.

Jackson has once again proved to be a source of pleasantness with his suggestion of watching the rape happen “because that’s how sex was done with primitive human beings.” Ugh.

The SG-teams learn from the the “Untouched” natives that the Touched are cursed and there is no going back for them. They want to praise the SG-teams for being gods but the SG-team has grown tired of being seen as gods and insists on being just like them. Since this planet has shown no proof of the Gao’uld’s presence, they decide to return to Earth. Which is where the fun happens.

One of the lieutenants of SG-3 attacks Teal’c and is taken away to the infirmary. The doctor, Dr. Janet Fraiser who I love, becomes the leading point of contact for curing the disease. She determines the curse to be a disease and starts isolating everyone that shows the symptoms. Colonel O’Neill and Captain Carter are among those infected. Teal’c is immune because of the Gao’uld inside of him (which will only rear its head if it’s relevant to the plot) and Jackson is immune because of his allergies, which is revealed towards the end of the episode.

Stargate Command is placed under lockdown–no one comes in or goes out–until a cure is found. Which is a good order to have considering this disease is rampaging faster than anything on Earth.

Teal’c and Jackson return to P3x797 to get blood samples from the Untouched. Along the way, Jackson is taken by the Touched and Teal’c, bearing the weight of Stargate Command on his shoulders, is met with a brick wall on getting a blood sample. So he knocks out the guards and takes a sample from one of them. Good man.

Meanwhile, O’Neill seems to realize that he’s somewhat cognizant when heavily sedated and so asks for drugs. Sweet, sweet sedatives. I was hoping for a “caveman obedient for a wicked high” thing but it was a bit less fun than that.

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The high is a return of higher brain functions.

O’Neill wants to be experimented on for the sake of a cure but Dr. Frasier refuses. Teal’c returns with a blood sample and sees O’Neill who has had more sedatives than you could shoot at a horse at this point. Dr. Fraiser comes with a cure which is basically intense allergy medicine and doses O’Neill up pretty good.

With O’Neill back to normal, the rest of the SG team gets cured and they go back to P3x797 to rescue Daniel and prove that they’re just as human as the Untouched. And they do exactly that.

Final thoughts? Jackson is not a friend to women. At all. The show needs more episodes where Teal’c has the fate of humanity is upon his shoulders. And there are seeds for a thing between Colonel O’Neill and Captain Carter which I am against on principle. We got a glance at another SG team, SG-3, and determined that they like shooting things a lot. Major General Hammond gets the nickname Major General Daddy because he’s so damn paternal.

If this episode wanted to explore the divide between having missions for advancing science versus having missions for advancing military prowess they did a very poor job at that. Though I wonder if those opening scenes are going to set something up for a later arc within the series. I’m adding that to my list of predictions. And since I mentioned my list of predictions, here they are below:

  • Shau’re and Skaara rescue mission as a season finale
  • Giant room of coordinates + finding homes for refugees = season 1 plot (not totally ruled out at this point)
  • Teal’c self-sacrifices to prove himself to higher US military authorities
  • Iris will be broken by a force wanting to come through the stargate
  • science vs military will be a repeated conflict among the SG teams

This episode’s adorable mascot is a needle of sweet, sweet sedatives.