I almost got a blogging internship as a result of a post about how I would conquer the world. So here is an updated version of that guide for all y’all’s enjoyment.

Disclaimer: These are not actual plans. Have a sense of humor, people.

(1). Set up base in Soumenlinna
That’s an island fort in Helsinki, Finland. Lesser known and hard to get to.

(2). Team up with Scandinavia
Because I have Swedish ancestors and share similar ideals on government.

(3). Invade Russia
In the summer. Never take Russia during winter, man. Remember what happened to the Germans?

(4). Invade Germany (and France)
The Germans have solid engineering. Once they’re on my side, I’ll pit them against the French as a distraction and take Paris when no one is looking. Cue my evil laugh.

(5). Nuke China
The peace delegation will arrive later.

(6). Take America
Once I have America, I have the rest of the world.

(7). ?????????

(8). Profit